Thoughts

A week or so worth of thoughts on the Bible and Christianity. I've been meaning to sit down and write this out, but I just never did. But there's no time like the present, eh?

Lets start here and work backwards, shall we? (note: I use the New English Bible)

Jeremian 21:6-7
"I will strike down those who live in this city, men and cattle alike; they shall die of a great pestilence. After that, says the Lord, I will take Zedekiah king of Judah, his courtiers and the people, all in this city who survive pestilence, sword and famine, and hand them over to Nebuchadrezzar the king of Babylon, to their enemies and those who would kill them. He shall put them to the sword and shall show no pity, no mercy or compassion."

-Ok, he says "I will strike down those who live in the city... they shall die of a great pestilence" and then a verse later states, "...all in the city who survive pestilence, sword and famine..." Hold on, I thought he killed them? He says that he struck them down and they died, but some how by some miracle, some didn't die. Do what now?

-God sounds very angry and vengeful. He is going to kill off everyone in this city, then everyone who doesn't die when God kills him is going to die an even more painful death at the hands of thier enemies. That does not sound like a very loving God to me. But, oh yes, God had given them a chance, many chances even, and they blew it, so he's wiping them out. That's fair. Wait... it is? Amy (North Point youth leader person) says that when people get bad enough and hinder the work of the Lord enough, He will just remove them. Somehow, in my mind anyways, that does not jive with everything else I've heard about God.

-Not at all relating to the verse, this was brought up in the session bit last night. When the flood came, it wiped out everyone, save Noah and his clan, right? Ok. So, a bunch of children died. That brought up the "Age of Accountability" and that its ok that the kids died, because they went to heaven, though somehow before Christ came, no one went to heaven, they went to another place, except the people who died went to heaven **blink** (this lady, Amy, makes my mind go in circles). So at any rate, Emily added that her (and my) old youth pastor once put it this way, "The kids were being raised by such wicked people, that they would have grown up to be just like their parents. So, by taking them when they were children, he really saved them." Phrase it this way and think about it (I did). God drowned children to save them. Hmmmm... Of course you must understand that they were OK though! Under the Age of Accountability and all. On that "they would have grown up to be just like their parents" bit... is that 100% for sure? I know that I for one have grown up (as "grown up" as you can say that I am) to be very little if anything like my parents. So why asume that t he children will be like theirs?

-While on the topic of the flood, some translations of the Bible (mine does not, but NIV and I think KJV does) say that the entire world was evil, hence the flood. The entire world except Noah, of course. But what about his wife, kids and kids-in-law? Since everyone except Noah was evil, that makes his family evil, right? And therefore God didn't really wipe out evil, he just wiped out most evil.

-It does say in Genesis 6:7-8, "He said , "this race of men whom I have created, I will wipe them off the face of the earth - man and beast, reptiles and birds. I am sorry that I ever created them."" Wow... and I thought I was moody! So God creates this world and states that "it is good" and then six chapters later is ready to wipe them all off the face of the earth? What happened? And lets not forget the whole who let Satan into the Garden to start with debate. At any rate, God changes all the time... merciful then vengeful, loving then full of wrath. But, oh that's right, God never changes. He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow... except that he isn't, but he is! Get it straight! Gosh!

- And entirely off subject, the bible makes a big deal about sex. I find this extremely odd. Though abstinency is a moral issue I suppose, I don't understand why such a huge deal is made out of it. It seems very 1984-esque to me. But that's just me.

To whom it may concern...

I wish I could make you understand that I'm not stupid. I am a very bright person. My head is filled with all sorts of facts, laws, equations, and books. I can fix computers, write essays, memorize books, and solve problems. I have never made a grade lower than a B in any science. I always made A's in creative writing classes. Never lower than a B in a literature class. A in government and economics. I am a smart person. But the fact is, because I'm "different" (i.e., dyslexic and ADHD) some things come harder for me. When it comes to putting things down on paper, it doesn't matter how well I understand it, it always comes out wrong, backwards, upside down, interverted, flipped or simply askew. Math is the perfect example. I understand math. I can (and have) explained it to teachers. I have corrected teachers, and been right. I "get it." But as soon as I go to put it on paper, something is lost in translation. Same in foreign languages and the such. Ask me to TELL you anything, and I can do so, no problem. Ask me to write it down and it will look like I've been sleeping through all the classes. Unfortunately, intelligence is not measured according to what you actually know, but by how well you can put it down on paper (quizzes/tests/homework, etc). So I may be quite smart indeed, but because I learn and process information differently, I will always be "that dumb kid" who isn't living up to her potential.

Something has been lost in translation

At what point in time is it alright to hurt someone for the sake of making yourself feel better? I have always thought that such a horrible thing is never justified. But, I am beginning to think differently. I have, within the last week, broken things off with my obsessive boyfriend person. Gave the whole "it really isn't you, its me and my commitment issues" and "I hope we can always be friends" speech. I have tried with all that I am not to hurt him. But somehow, speaking kindly and gently, things aren't being understood. I don't mind if he calls me. Lots of people call me. What I do mind is the endless number of calls at all hours of day and night that go along the lines of,

"I just wanted to let you know that you're smart and beautiful and funny and that I love you and that I miss you and that I'm always thinking of you and I was wondering if maybe I could call more often and if you could be my girlfriend again. I'll back off more, I promise!"

Ok... um... so I have, as kindly as possible, said no to all said requests, stating that time apart, yadda yadda, is good and healthy. That we need the space to evaluate things, blah blah blah, and that honestly, even though I still love him, as a friend, that I have realized that I'm seriously not ready for such an intense relationship (and that the 357 whatever odd miles really don't make things any easier, either.) Sidenote, I think I could handle the distance if he hadn't, y'know, like proposed and what not. I think that I could do a long-distance thing. I shall think on this. Back on subject, so I thought I made myself pretty clear. But, apparantly not. And so I really don't know if I'm supposed to just keep nicely saying the same things or if, as some of my friends have suggested, just saying, "Matt, it's over. We are friends, but that's it. Please do not call me again if you are doing so to try to get "back together."

Honestly, that is exactly what I want to say and exactly how I feel, but I'm really not the kind of person who can just crush someone and be alright with it.

So here I am, standing here totally confused as to what to do, wishing that things would just disappear in a cup of coffee, having no idea what to do or what to say or what to feel or how. My head is pulling one direction ("just tell him DUDE! ITS OVER!"), my heart another ("no! be kind! You don't want to hurt anyone") and I am here between the two not knowing which road to take.