Since no one reads this anymore, I can pretty much freely express things. So here we go.
I was talking to my friend Adam today. He said he had a problem with his girlfriend and asked me for advice. I did the best I could and I'm not sure how much I helped him, but I know I began to understand myself better. So, thank you Adam. :)
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: farrah, ur a girl right?
LadyMcCrtny: um... yes?
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: lol k good
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: i need help
LadyMcCrtny: haha ^_^ ok, whats up
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: just with my girl...somethin weird
LadyMcCrtny: yeah?
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: whats it mean when a girl says shes kinda scared of you...or i scare her
LadyMcCrtny: ha ha ha ^_^
LadyMcCrtny: um... in a serious way, or kidding?
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: serious. i told her the same thing once, and never explained..but i got over it. but last night she asked me if i had...and i told her i did. and she said "well good...*smile*...hum...sometimes though...im kinda scared of you too" and gave me those big worrysome eyes
LadyMcCrtny: hmm
LadyMcCrtny: well
LadyMcCrtny: it could mean a few things i suppose. that's kind of vague
LadyMcCrtny: it could mean she's afriad of you because you make here feel like no one has ever made her feel before - good thing
LadyMcCrtny: it could mean she desires something that she doen't understand and that scares her - good thing?
LadyMcCrtny: it could mean that you're wierd ^_^ - very good thing
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: lol hahaha. i like all three...she tells me the 3rd one all the time ^_^, and we both share the second one...and the 1st one shes told me a few times. i really hope its one of em but i have a feeling its something else. but maybe thats just fear...but i have an idea of what it is
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: kinda cuts off from the 1st one...the last guy she was with, she knocked it down to friends cuz he always talked about the future, how they were going to college together and doing this n this together. she didnt even know if they'd make it out of highschool...so i make sure to keep talk like that down
LadyMcCrtny: is a very good idea
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: i honestly dont know how long we'll make it, but its been 3 months and we just keep growing closer and closer...but i kinda seem to be falling a little harder i think...i make sure to say my "I love you"'s a certain way so it doesnt sound like THAT kinda love...but that means im hiding something neh? and that something to hide has to be a greater feeling for her? at any case...i realize that in order for her ot be happy, i hafta keep that feeling down...its not fair for me to show that, yet. b/c that kinda feeling needs commitment, and i wont hold her down. but i think she sorta senses all of this inside of me...last night when she told me, we were listening to our song on cd. its unbelievably sweet...and the way she was looking at me...i kinda let a tear drop, and i didnt think she say but she did...told her it was just something in my eye haha, she knew i was lying "good something or bad??" i told her it was good...to me it is, even if it is fear. i just want her to be happy, no matter what...
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: (told me she was scared of me)
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: saw*
LadyMcCrtny: **hug**
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: am i doing nething right here??
LadyMcCrtny: do you love her?
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: I do...honestly, inside myself. i know it.
LadyMcCrtny: then yes, you are doing something right
LadyMcCrtny: if you love her, tell her, hold on to her, but don't stifle her
LadyMcCrtny: i think you are doing things right
LadyMcCrtny: but i think i may understand what she's feeling, if she's feeling what i think shes feeling
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: ...may i ask, what that feeling is?
LadyMcCrtny: lol
LadyMcCrtny: my first "real" boyfriend or wahtever was Matt
LadyMcCrtny: we dated for 6 months
LadyMcCrtny: he got *really* serious and it scared me off
LadyMcCrtny: he was talking about "we'll go to college together and graduate together and then we'll get married and have a white picket fence outside our house and we'll have beautiful children together and grow old together..." **farrah runs away**
LadyMcCrtny: freaked me out. I didn't want to give him my forever. I didn't love him that much/like that
LadyMcCrtny: then Stephan and I started dating, and it's a horribly frightening feeling... because I'd love to give him my forever
LadyMcCrtny: I'd love to date through college and get married and have a beautiful house and no kids, but pretty dogs and and grow old together
LadyMcCrtny: and its scary to feel that about someone. But beautiful at the same time. and wonderful
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: idk what id do if that were the feeling she was having lol. probably just...gah hold on to her until my arms gave way.
LadyMcCrtny: ^_^
LadyMcCrtny: you are a wonderful guy
LadyMcCrtny: she's very lucky to have you
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: she n i both...ill always be lucky, even if just her friend...*nods*
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: stephan who u are with now?
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: right? right?
LadyMcCrtny: yeah
LadyMcCrtny: ^_^
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: yay lol that up there sounded too wonderful to not be...i hope that it is as you want, and you're right. really scary, but incredibly beautiful
LadyMcCrtny: **nods** **smile**
Inhum4n 4Lch3my: thank you farrah. *whew* feeling much better...thank you for being a girl lol ^_^
LadyMcCrtny: haha it's my pleasure ^_^
<3
